Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Thank you

Thank you all, my friends. I find it amazing that in this cyber world, we have such connections to those we have never 'met' - in any common definiton of the word. I have followed others journeys to completion, some still in progress, and some just starting a new journey. Everything seems to continue.. as it should. I dont know if it has really sunk in that I have lost him forever. He has been like a dream for more than a year. It was my worst fear (her coming back to take him). I am out of town for work and know that this weekend will be rough when I get home.

I am angry now..angry that those in another country arbitrarily stopped everything when we were so close to being together forever. Angry that they are still making families wait to be together. Angry that some families have had to make heartwrenching decisions. Angry that the children are the ones who are suffering the most.

I have been told by my agency that I may still be able to complete an adoption there. I was nearly done, all the paperwork is there, and had been 'referred a child'. I dont know what the government knows, they may have no idea that this 'referred child' is gone now. They (J & T) are checking to see what can or needs to be done. I know there are children who need familes and I may not be in the right frame of mind to make the decision today, but I will not deny a child who needs one, a home with me. Maybe this was His plan all along. To open my eyes and get that internal flame a-burnin'.


Lori said...

Oh Beth....I just can't imagine the heartache you are going through...and I just pray that His plan is revealed soon and your heart has some comfort. You've lost a child...whether he was ever officially with you or not makes no difference. That will never change, but there is a peace that surpasses...and I hope it comes to you soon. Hugs...

Maria said...

Regardless of the decision you make about another child in Kyrgyzstan or not, Beth, you will never be the same person again. You won't look at the world the same. Once your eyes are opened to the plight of orphans in the world, you can't go back. I know that you will forever and ever love this little boy and his life is better for that -- even if he never knows. You WILL be a mom. God doesn't make promises that he isn't prepared to keep. There are reasons for things that we often cannot understand and I assure you've I've certainly been in that not understanding place, but God worked it out in the end and I know He will for you. In the mean time, you are in my prayers for peace and for the renewal of your hope.