Sunday, October 18, 2009

Life goes on

Life goes on.. I am still not sure what the future holds for me, whether my child is still in Kyrgz or not. There is still no news to what will happen since I have lost B and have no referral to complete. My agency is still trying to figure out how it will play out. There is no way to tell right now what is going to happen with the waiting families, or if I will still be considered part of the group. I am still hopeful that I will be given the opportunity to accept another referal (or two) and complete with my original group.

I am happy to have been given the chance to love a little boy and help with his care until his birthmother could take care of him. I am sad that he will not be with me..and hope only the best for him and his birthmother.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Thank you

Thank you all, my friends. I find it amazing that in this cyber world, we have such connections to those we have never 'met' - in any common definiton of the word. I have followed others journeys to completion, some still in progress, and some just starting a new journey. Everything seems to continue.. as it should. I dont know if it has really sunk in that I have lost him forever. He has been like a dream for more than a year. It was my worst fear (her coming back to take him). I am out of town for work and know that this weekend will be rough when I get home.

I am angry now..angry that those in another country arbitrarily stopped everything when we were so close to being together forever. Angry that they are still making families wait to be together. Angry that some families have had to make heartwrenching decisions. Angry that the children are the ones who are suffering the most.

I have been told by my agency that I may still be able to complete an adoption there. I was nearly done, all the paperwork is there, and had been 'referred a child'. I dont know what the government knows, they may have no idea that this 'referred child' is gone now. They (J & T) are checking to see what can or needs to be done. I know there are children who need familes and I may not be in the right frame of mind to make the decision today, but I will not deny a child who needs one, a home with me. Maybe this was His plan all along. To open my eyes and get that internal flame a-burnin'.

Monday, October 5, 2009


My friends I received some devastating news today. B's 16 year old birthmother (probably 17-18 now) returned sometime over the last two months and reclaimed him. I received an urgent email from J with the news and to call her asap. My journey to him is over. I dont know what I am going to do next. The latest news has been so encouraging the PM is onboard with completing adoptions that are already in progress, we were all so hopeful. And now, I dont know what is going to happen. I think I am still in shock and am in no position, emotionally, to make any decisions about what do do next. J had some suggestions and to be honest, I dont know if I will continue down this road or not. Is my child, the child truly meant for me, still in that little country? Perhaps. Was it my job to love B with all my heart, for just this little while? I dont know. The tears are coming again.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Everyone Pray

Tonight (well, tomorrow in Kyrg) the PM is meeting with Parliment and we are told he will be discussing IA. So all day today and all night tonight we are praying and lighting candles, working on mojo, getting our chakras in order, and ensuring our karma is good, all in the hopes that we will fill up his heart with the children's plight and get the ball rolling again. My candles are lit, please light one at your house for B and all the other babies waiting for their forever families to bring them home.